Coming from a self employed family business I have worked since the age of thirteen. My formative years gave me a good work ethic and taught me to be loyal to my employers. I rarely took a sick day and often worked through my lunch break. Why then would I be replaced in a heartbeat and not notified of the decision? Welcome to the world of a returning mother to the workforce.
I had a good job that I enjoyed immensely when I became pregnant with my first child. My employer assumed that my pregnancy signalled the end of my working life and did not think to offer me unpaid maternity leave*. Did I mention my employer was a man?
I’m fairly certain the question “You’re not thinking of getting pregnant are you?” shouldn’t be included in a job interview. Incredulous I know but my employer had just lost his previous manager to motherhood and so another woman was a gamble! Fortunately we (me and my working ovaries) had the most experience so we got the job!
A year later I too was pregnant, the difference being I wanted to take my entitled leave and return ten months later. My boss simply believed that I wouldn’t return, after all no other female employee had returned so why would I?
Not being married to a Murdoch or a Packer returning to work for me would be a financial necessity.
Ten months later I returned to work to find that my role had been assigned to somebody else on a permanent basis. You see my ‘maternity” cover replacement had left prematurely so they decided to promote the assistant manager.
He happened to be a good friend who was happy to share the role with me and we approached my employer with our working vision.
Our idea of job sharing wasn’t given any consideration although we had raised excellent points in how it could benefit our department. I was told that the company was moving in different directions and that there was an exciting role for me that would be ideal for my new three -day week.
I was given an office away from all my old colleagues where I sat day after day alone doing nothing! Great for slackers but I wanted to work, to talk to grown ups and stimulate my brain. I could get poked on Facebook at home!
My employer was attempting to placate me and asked me to think of what my new title might be. Strictly speaking it was his job to tell me what my job was making it even more apparent that there was no job!
In the end I returned to my old work place and took up office in the room where everybody got changed and ate their lunch. I wasn’t relinquishing my title though or my pay structure, my employer would simply have to pay two people for doing the same job!
Such a ridiculous situation when there was easily enough work for two managers over a period of seven days. We worked well together and divided our duties according to our strengths. We were able to cover holidays, sick days and countless meetings with ease. I had the respect of my team which was what mattered most to me.
My employer only thought of me as a manager when it suited his own purposes. I think secretly he just wanted me to leave in case I decided to sue him for workplace misconduct. Maybe I should have sued him, maybe I should have left but deep down I convinced myself that I was just using him until baby number two came along. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to return once I had two children that needed childcare. Baby number two took a while so I ended up working for a further two years.
On finally leaving the company after nine years of service, my employer remarked, “really you left the last time.” Obviously I was just pretending to work for the last two years! Infuriatingly on many an occasion he did infer that I couldn’t possibly do my job as well as I could prior to having a baby.
Employers’ take note- mothering involves multi tasking, time management, a sense of humour and patience. These are all skills required in the workplace and whilst I may have possessed them prior to motherhood they were definitely much sharper on my return. Mothers also generally want to be in the work place, working is “me time” with uninterrupted conversations, coffee breaks and private toilet trips!
My story is one of countless where women are given a rough deal on returning to work. Some women I know have had no choice but to return to their position full time even though their job could be done in a shorter time frame. I was fortunate in that I could shorten my working week and spend valuable time with my baby.
Ironically, going back to work made me realise what was important in life and for me work was not the answer. No longer would I stress over the small stuff when I had my own bundle of small stuff at home! My work home balance at this time was perfect regardless of how I was treated. I cherished the days with my little feller but loved the freedom that work gave me.
Now I am a stay at home mum and I have learnt that you can’t win either way. If you work you feel guilty for leaving your children, if you stay at home you feel guilty for not financially contributing to the household.
It is hard to get used to not working when it is something you have done all of your life. At first I felt guilty in answering questions about my work status but not any more! Staying at home with small children is hard work but it is rewarding too and I’m lucky to be in a financial situation where I can spend so much valuable time with them.
