We’ve got mice! Not
the patter of tiny feet that you want to announce on Facebook but many peoples
status’s seem to suggest we’re not the only ones.
Bunnings sold out of
their lethal wooden traps last weekend and there was a week wait for the
exterminators.
There seems to have
been a population explosion in the mouse world, mice copulating like mad in
order to get the baby bonus. Don’t they know you don’t get it all in one
payment now- chances are they’ll be dead before they get to spend it!
They’ve chosen a good
house with two small boys throwing enough food on the floor to feed an entire
African village! The first mouse probably bragged so much about the easy life
he was having that all his friends decided to move in too! Especially on a Kinder day when i rush out of the door without scooping the food off the floor, i'm sure the mice have been loving the all you can eat buffet!
So we’ve got smart
mice, so smart that they haven’t fallen prey to the many lethal traps adorning
our pantry shelves. They do like to have a little poo right next to them though
just to let us know they haven’t been fooled! I’m sure they’re high fiving each
other on a nightly basis on that manoeuvre!
After we spotted the
first mouse we believed that maybe he had just come in through an open door. I
popped down to Bunnings and being the committed Vegetarian* that I am purchased
a trap which would capture rather than decapitate. It is so spacious that you
could convert it in to a granny flat with plenty of room for a conservatory and
even a pool! You place the food inside and they are supposed to run in with no
escape route. Needless to say this trap was useless and is still open for
inspection!
No more Mrs Nice humanitarian
minded for me, snap their little neck traps now adorn our house! Last week the
husband was staking out a mouse, he was wearing rubber gloves and armed with a
broom. When the mouse jumped in to the laundry trough I shouted “ Turn the taps
on- scald him alive”. I really have been watching too many episodes of the
Tudors!
The mouse escaped but
I did give it a whack with a rolled up newspaper before it ran in to the spare
room. We barricaded it in with a rolled up towel and the weekend papers. We
really are the most hospitable of hosts!
Apparently, mice are a
little bit obsessive compulsive and follow the same route on a nightly basis.
Once you know their travel plans you can set the traps accordingly. They are
also wary creatures so they have to get used to where the traps are located
first and then they get cocky enough to try the bait. You would think mice
relatives would warn them! “ Son you don’t get nothing for free in this life.
If it looks too good to be true it probably is!”
What do you tell your kids though? Their perception of mice is a little bit different to ours, they think Rasta Mouse or Micky while we think vermin. We tell them we are catching the mice to put them outside but neglect to tell them that the mice will be dead!
I wish we could live
in harmony but I’m sorry mice you are disease carrying little f***ers! You give
me no option but to end your winter holiday prematurely with a severe bout of
food poisoning. The exterminators are coming today, pack your cases and get out
of my house.
* Not that I would eat
mice or think that any of you do.
