Are we going on the
aeroplane today?” I have been asked this question every day for the last six
months! It is generally followed with “Will there be DVD’s and ABC?” Yes twenty
-three hours of being allowed to watch a small screen in the back of somebody’s
seat is such an exciting prospect to a four year old. Add to that an entire
carry on of food and you’ve got a kids’ idea of paradise!
Not such an idyllic
proposition for myself who will be undertaking this flight alone with two
children under the age of five. Circumstance has dictated or rather my
husband’s employer has dictated that he can’t come with us so for the second
time in nine months we are flying without “Daddy”. Some events you just can’t
miss and my brothers’ wedding is one of those so even if we had ten children i would be taking this trip!
Few people would choose to do this
flight but I have no option because I chose prior to having children to live on
the other side of the world. Not
on a whim, no person who chooses to live so far away from everyone and
everything they have ever known makes this decision lightly.
Whilst I don’t regret
my decision, I have to live with the daily knowledge that I am missing out on
precious time with my aging parents and major events in my family and friends’ lives.
Then there is the guilt that has grown tenfold since having the boys.
Children need their
grandparents and they need grandparents who want to spend time with them. Not
all do but my parents dote on all of their grandsons. I know that my boys miss out in this respect and it makes me
sad. Their relationship will obviously be very different from that of their
cousins not that they are loved any less.
There are the weekly Skype
chats, which make it a little bit easier between visits, but children change
every day. We are so lucky to have
such technological advancements in our lives which don’t only enable us to see
each other on a weekly basis but talk for two hours for free!
In the interim there
is Facebook where I can see what is going on in peoples’ lives, read the
subtext and in some instances picture myself there. I am not the greatest at keeping in touch but thanks to its’
existence I can leave a quick message or comment on a photo. It didn’t quite
suffice when my new nephew was born and I longed to be in that hospital too
giving him a big cuddle. The moments that can never be repeated are the moments i miss the most.
Luckily I have
supportive parents, who might not be thrilled that I live so far away but they
recognise that it is my decision and my life. Whatever I chose to do my parents
were always behind me one hundred percent- from becoming a vegetarian to drama
school to living in sin with a scruffy Aussie (reader I married him!)
The time we do spend
together is very special and the boys get to see their family on the other side
of the world for weeks at a time. Memories
are made and stored for future stories once home in Australia.
Saying goodbye never
gets easier and I will wonder again why I choose to do this to myself and the
people I love. Then the scruffy
Aussie will meet me at the airport and I will remember!
Since becoming a parent myself I
understand how my decision has left a hole in my parents’ world. My boys are
only little but I could not fathom losing them to the other side of the world.
One day they will be balding middle aged men but regardless of age they will
always be my babies.
People will stare at
me when I board that flight but they don’t know my history or my reasons for
choosing to subject two small boys to high levels of radiation.
All they will see is a
very excited little boy with a flustered woman carrying a grumpy baby and too much hand luggage.
I apologise now if we happen to be sitting next to you.
